The Abbey School prides itself on preparing our students for the future. Ensuring that they are ready to face a changing world on their own terms. We strive to create a legacy that equips students with the desire to seek out opportunities, resilience, confidence and so much more. 

One aspect of the legacy that plays a fundamental role in all of these attributes is friendship. 

Friendships are forged at The Abbey that last a lifetime and can go on to have profound impacts on students’ lives. Even creating new life – but more on that amazing story in a moment…

Having the pleasure of working with the Abbey’s alumnae community, I have the privilege of hearing about enduring friendships. In just the past year we’ve heard about alumnae taking 50th birthday celebration holidays together, a huge class of 1985 reunion and friends becoming each other’s bridesmaids and godparents.

Last week I had the pleasure of meeting Jennifer from the class of 1957. While we were reminiscing about her time at the school she mentioned her friend, Geraldine. The strength and joy of their enduring friendship was unmistakable as her whole face lit up. She talked proudly about how they met at The Abbey and have been best friends since. 

Just before Christmas we welcomed back the class of 2025 to our annual reunion drinks. It was the first time most of them had been back to The Abbey since results day. Watching our newest alumnae run down corridors to hug one another, sitting huddled together lost in conversations and their pure delight at being reunited was wonderful. Just a couple of days later, as I walked into a local coffee shop, there in the corner were two of the new alumnae catching up. As they waved to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to me as I left, I couldn’t help reflecting on how special such friendships are and hoping that they’re still catching up in 30 years.

Friendships forged at The Abbey can be truly life-changing. 

Just ask Tommy Brydges (nee Lee) and Jo Roper (nee Robbins) from the class of 2004. 

We always love to hear from our alumnae and invite them to share their latest news with us – and their email stopped me in my tracks. As Tommy said herself, “We were great friends during our time at The Abbey but we had no idea the impact our friendship would have on our future!”

Tommy and Jo stayed great friends after school, both studying at Birmingham University and growing even closer. Despite Jo staying in Birmingham to practise medicine and Tommy training to become a teacher in Bristol before settling in Oxfordshire – they met up regularly.

Then came 2015. 

Jo was pregnant with twins when Tommy received a devastating diagnosis of cervical cancer. Following major surgery, Tommy knew that she would be unable to carry her own children in the future. 

Jo remembers finding out that Tommy had been called in to have an urgent MRI and – with her knowledge as a specialist in obstetrics and gynaecology – she knew what Tommy could be about to face. She says, “I felt like it was such a weird time because I knew Tommy was going through so much and I had baby twins. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t leave the house let alone come and see her or look after her.” However, a seed planted in her thoughts about how she could help in the future. 

Tommy met John, who is now her husband, in the spring of 2016. Tommy explains, “that was really positive but I was really conscious that, only just turning 30, quite quickly I would have to tell him, by the way, I can’t have children. That was really playing on my mind. But, he was really accepting and I think I just moved through life as though this might not happen and that is okay. Then it was in 2018 where a delightful little bombshell was dropped in a card.”

Tommy continues, “I got engaged in the summer of 2018 and we got a few cards through the post. I opened one of them and I was like oh my gosh there’s so much writing in here! I saw it was from Jo – I still remember some of the words – she said that she felt 2015 was such a difficult year. I was going through sadness while she was bringing life to the world and she felt like she wanted to give something back. She explained that she and her husband Mark had discussed it for a long time, had really thought about it, and offered surrogacy. It just blew my mind!”

After much discussion Tommy and John, Jo and Mark, decided to go for it and embarked on their surrogacy journey.

It took time to work through paperwork, IVF, counselling, and medical testing but it was all worth it and Jo got pregnant!

How did it feel when Tommy found out? “Life changing”. 

They became even closer during the pregnancy, as Tommy explains, “We were best friends and I went to as many appointments as possible. We did everything together and I was so grateful for that.”

In February 2023 Phoebe was born! Tommy says proudly, “She is gorgeous. I know you’re biased because they are your child but I just think she’s the most perfect thing! I had the best year of my life on my maternity leave. I would give anything to be in that year again but I remember Jo saying to me that it gets even better – and it absolutely does! It gets better and better and she’s my world.”

In terms of Jo and Tommy’s friendship they said that it’s become stronger and even more special. I couldn’t help but feel emotional as Tommy shared with me how their friendship means the world to her and, “if this friendship didn’t exist, my life would be immeasurably different and I can’t tell you what that would look like.”

Tommy and Jo’s story completely captivated me and there is so much more to say and explain. You will be able to read more about it in next week’s Gateway. 

It is so inspiring to hear how in adversity their enduring friendship, that started right here at The Abbey, brought such joy to all of their lives. 

Friendships are forged here at The Abbey that can transform lives. We are proud to create a community where bonds flourish and evolve into deep, meaningful relationships that last a lifetime. And as Tommy says and knows first hand, “You never know how your childhood friendships could be so important in the future.”

Julia Wootton, Head of Engagement and Development